“Christine? Christine is a work horse.” This is the answer you would have gotten had you asked about me pre-pandemic.
I’ve been in a few conversations lately with people who are driven to get things done, move the needle, and make progress happen. This takes deep work, pushing hard, and yes, working long hours.
Functioning at this pace isn’t sustainable – those of us who do it know that. But here’s what happens we temporarily stop. At first, we let the satisfaction of what we accomplished wash over us. We think of the extra time and bandwidth we’ll have for other things. The adrenaline wears off. And before too long, we start to feel antsy. We start to feel like we’re slacking off or wasting time. “I should be doing something” says the voice in our head.
Between building a consultancy, delivering large-scale projects, and intentionally raising three girls, I know this feeling all too well. “If I just work a bit harder, we’ll get there.” “If I push hard now, I can take the foot off the gas after.” Or my favorite “Someone’s got to do it, may as well be me.”
Whether it’s experience, a couple of near-burnouts or seeing people come out of the pandemic with work-joy sucked out of them, I’ve learnt to manage my drive. Here’s how I do it.
1. Drama Triangle.
If you’re not familiar with the drama circle, here’s the short version. There are situations at work and at home conducive to each of us stepping into one of three roles:
Hero: “I’m going to save the project; build this program, launch this business.”
Victim: “Nothing ever works out; everyone is against me.”
Villain “I’m going to prove I’m right; I’m going to get mine.”
I’m not attracted to the victim or villain roles but I definitely have a hero complex. Nothing will get me involved like the perception that it can’t be done. So I get involved and I work tirelessly to make “it” happen.
To be honest, I think I’m wired to release dopamine at the possibility of “make something happen”.
With this bit of self-awareness - Thank you Daniel Lieberman and The Molecule of More - as I get involved in something, I’ll ask myself, “Am I trying to hero it.” It’s not much but it keeps me in check.
If you want to know more about the Drama Triangle, I recommend Podcast Episode 130 of the Knowledge Project with Shane Parish and Diana Chapman.
2. Curious about the problem
“Christine, you collect problems like know else I know.” My husband called me out on this the other night. He may not be wrong. I frequently start sentences with “This doesn’t smell right”. “I should poke at that.” “So I was thinking…”
I learnt an important lesson on a project I tried to deliver in 2019-2020. Not all problems are mine to solve. In fact, this is my second strategy. Knowing I have a knack for sniffing out problems, I now get really curious about it. Something doesn’t smell right? I’ll ask myself:
Is this my problem to solve?
Is it a today problem?
Is it the actual problem or the symptom of a larger problem?
If that latter, what’s the actual problem
And back to Q1. Is it my problem to solve.
I’ve noticed highly capable and action-oriented people can get involved in things with the best of intentions. I’ve also learnt this lesson the hard-way: If it’s not our problem to solve, we throw effort down a black hole.
When I catch a whiff of something that doesn’t smell right, I get curious, starting with “Is it my problem to solve.”
3. Guardrails
I’m only human. What part of nature VS nurture made it such that I’m wired to get overly involved and push too hard for too long, who knows. So my third strategy is guardrails.
There are just so many hours in a day and that day HAS to include:
Physical activity
Family time
Check ins with friends
I will not skip a workout unless I absolutely have to (a sleepless night or a virus). I insist on a homecooked meal sitting down with my daughters (which is why you rarely see me at networking events.) I love my seasonal sports. Time to engage in them is blocked in my calendar.
These are things I will not cancel, which means work-related tasks fall off my plate.
It is what it is. I have my sanity to show for it.
And if my system fails, my backup is reliable logic. Just because I can, doesn't mean I should.
Because I love my work and I love working, I know I need a system. It's not perfect or bulletproof. But because of it, I can both carve and enjoy downtime. Because of it, I'll be in it for the long haul with my work-joy intact.
Do you have similar strategies in place? I’d love to hear them!
Comentarios